Montana Sky – DivX Version (Normal Quality), iPod/iPhone Version
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IMDB rating: 5.70 Plot: The wealthy stock dealer bequeaths his Montana farm to the three daughters provided they would live there together at least for a year. |
Available versions:
DivX Version (Normal Quality), iPod/iPhone Version
Actors: Arcand Nathaniel,Pearl Aaron,Carey Tom,Corbett John,Heindl Scott,Baker James,Workun Donovan,Hair Stephen,Hopkin James D.,Dugan James,Drama,Romance,Western,
Does this book suck you in?
okay, so I’m attempting to write a book, and I really need oppinions on how the first few chapters sound. Its Fiction, and you do not have to read the whole thing just see if it would intrest, maybe highschool age.
I know there are many grammar mistakes but hope you enjoy the first part! 
Beauty
Rain is a can change things. Rain works in many ways. It can wash away the unwanted and bring out the beauty in them. Rain can make the unwanted, gorgeous with one raindrop. But sometimes the things that are unwanted would like to stay the way they are. Without the rain.
Mirror
I stared at the dark smokey sky, it looked blank with out the stars in it. It was like a tree without leaves. Blank. That was a good description of myself. Actually blanker then blank. I laughed at my own silly insight of myself, Blank. Laying sideways on the couch all day was also a pretty blank thing to do on a saturday night. The household was asleep and oddly silent. I sighed while watching a re-run of friends and quickly glanced at my watch. 11:23. Got to stay up for at least one more hour I thought. I sighed one more time and grabbed the remote of the ground and turned the tv off.
Watching tv wasn’t really ever my thing. I never knew what my thing actually was. No one could ever describe me, my old friends could never describe me that well, but the best they described me as was "a fast runner". I had to admit i could run, but that wasn’t anything to be exceptionally proud of. It was kinda boring actually having no good title. I don’t actually run like on a team or anything like that, but when i was back in Florida i used to run every were. To school, to my friends house, and to the beach. But that can never work here now that we moved to Montana. I can never run any were now that my mom is totally paranoid of everything. My father died recently in a car accident in Florida and my family took it pretty hard. I didnt know my father much because he never talked to anyone, any of my brothers or me. We were all surprised he died, and the police don’t know how it happened, because there were no other cars on the road at the time of his death, and his car hadn’t looked as if it had had any harm done to it. And all of my brothers were heartbroken.
I have 4 brothers and the oldest is Adam. My favorite. I know its kiddish to pick my favorite sibbling but he was the one i admired and wanted to be like. He was 19 and and amazing .He sorta sings, and very good at it , but I never told him this because he thinks none of us have ever head him sing… but i have… once. i was 7 years old and i was walking by his room, he wasn’t very careful and he left the door open so i walked in. His voice was diffrent from what i have ever heard. It didnt sound … human. The next thing i knew i was laying on the floor outside of his room. And he doesn’t seem to interested in singing now, so he tells us. Then there was Riley, my little brother who was 12. He had a talent also, he was an artist. His art was indescribable, every single detail was perfect and elegant. I watch him do his art and see his hand motions, they looked like waves flowing up and down on the ocean’s surface. Then there was my other two brothers Jeff and Matt. Both 6, they are twins but are complete opposites and get into to much trouble so i steer clear of them. And then there is me. A boring 16 year old girl with no hopes for anything because of my personality and my looks. My looks were … well awful is one way i described them. I was ugly. That I was sure of.
I got up lugged over to the mirror to see the hideousness of myself- I had Brown frizzy hair with a tint of blonde highlights that made it look bright blonde when the sun hit it. I always tried to hid my face with it but I still looked horrible. My hair stuck out of my head in thousands of different directions and was awful and always messy even after i brushed it. My eyes were average, nothing to them. Brown eyes with no hint of excitement ever, covered by ugly chunky green glasses. My nose was strangely crooked and covered in freckles and red blotches. I had horrible teeth that were a warn out color that stuck out to give me a sort of overbite. My mom said i needed braces around 4 months ago and she still has been to swamped to get me an appointment. I was average size, maybe a little chubby, with an average boring figure. my knee’s were always bruised and covered in grass stains, and my arms were hairy and usually had an arm brace on them. I was extremely clumsy and always did the most stupid things. I ran into book shelf’s , feel on rocks, and hit myself with heavy objects when not paying attention were only some of the few things i did. I was the opposite of beautiful. Starring in the mirror almost made me cry cause no amount of makeup, hair product, or clothes will ever get this lump to look gorgeous. And then it happened, i started to cry alone to myself. I got overemotional sometimes and this offten happen
No, it does nothing to make me want to read any farther.
It sounds more like a family inventory than a story. I can’t tell what the plot or the main theme is. There seems to be nothing exciting happening.
That huge block of text is really difficult to get through. You need to break that up into readable paragraphs.
All those descriptions are turning this into an information dump.
My Write Brain | Oct 18, 2009
i love it i love it i love it but i just want to know whats the point of the whole story and its very intresting its great please post the whole story on fanfiction.com
Monkey | Oct 18, 2009
"I know there are many grammar mistakes but hope you enjoy the first part!
"
If you are KNOWINGLY posting something with several mistakes then you have no business asking people to give you a review/critique. Unedited work in the public eye with the expectation of a critique is simply rude and does not allow me or any serious reader/writer to take YOU seriously.
Edit first, then ask for review.
KK [is quite feisty] | Oct 18, 2009
Add comment November 24th, 2009
